No one ever tel us the exact time we will fall in love. It is part of the walk of life and it happens when it happens. It always does. For some of us it happens younger than others; but when it does, we can not deny it. For me it happened rather early. I remember feeling the pain in my chest as if the child I carried in my bowel was suddenly in danger. In my culture, people always say that because of intuition that a mom always feel what is happening to her child(ren).Sometimes she can even smell danger days away. That exactly hat happened with me and K.C.C. After a while, I started feeling his pains, worries, and danger. I was dreaming of things that would then happen. He became part of me and the map of his life was traced in my palm. For months, I denied that I was actually in love with him. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, that I was too tough for love, and that such an ordinary man could not own my heart. So for months, I carried that cross because I did not want to be disappointed. I knew that he did not love me the same way that I loved him so I decided to wait for him to be ready. So, I was broke 20 years old in a city that I didn't know and in love with a stranger. Everyday, I knelt down and pray for a miracle: one day K.C.C would one day realize that I love him and would then love me just as much as I loved him. Everyday, I went to bed anxious and woke up the next day disappointed because the day would never come or at least come soon enough. Some days, I would get tired of waiting and prayed instead that I would forget him. Then, he would not be obligated to love me back. Other times, I found myself writing him letter to let him know I felt. Of course these letters never got to him. And maybe  that's how I got through day by day. I convinced myself that he did not love me. I started working full time and going to school full time so that both my life and mind would never find a minute to think of him.  You see, no one told me that falling in love was so hard. I was unprepared and even when it happened I had no tools to fight it. I was in a battle without armor, protection and shield, so of course I fell and so great was the fall.

"I'd go back to December all the time"- Taylor Swift

That's it.!December 5, 2016. How can I forget that day? It was both a blessing and a curse. I can remember the exact hour that he walked into my life and exactly what I was doing. It was a beautiful Monday. Well, I hate Mondays and back then It was my first year in college so I had classes early and hated my job at the school's cafeteria. But, let's just say it was a beautiful Monday because all was well. I remember that I ended work at like 4 ish. For some reason I was going to the library to just work on some homework and be a good student. I was so heart broken because the Love of my life- well, this guy I was in love with for like 4 years, or at least I thought- had dropped off the planet of the earth and left me with so many unanswered questions, doubts and broken wounds that at the time could not be healed. So, there I was at the entrance of the library, sitting on one of those little sits with my laptop. It was not really a place to concentrate or anything, but for some reason I was destined to be there... Our university Library have two sets of doors one must go through before you are actually inside. I was inside and just sitting by the door. I must have been there for a good 20 minutes. The sun was slowly sinking into the bosom of the sea where it find refuge each night and I was sinking into discouragement for the amount of homework that laid ahead. All of the sudden Darryl walked in, look to his right and there I was. Darryl was the president of the Black Student Union club which I regularly attended on Tuesdays. He wasn't a friend nor an enemy, just an over hyped kid who was always so happy for no reason. So it was no surprise that he wanted to say hi. With Darryl was the man who would bring to my life the many tragedies, disappointments, heartbreak, and rejection that I could have never imagined. I remember how beautiful he looked. He had the skin of an African prince, so creamy and soft as if he was being constantly soaked in Shea butter. His big lips were a chocolate fountain one wanted to bathe in and his arms oh my Lord, I could faint just to have these hands catch me. He was so beautiful that I cursed the gods for putting me in his presence. And he talked too. He could talked which was an indicator that he was actually human? Or at least I had hope. Like he actually uttered words at me and even extended his hand to shake mine. Hahaha, I am just kidding. It wasn't like that at all. As a matter of fact I don't even think I looked at him for more tan two seconds. I was so unbothered.

Anyways, Darryl presented me to his friend and in less than a minute, I watched them both take the stairs to go do whatever they had to do. I could care less. I remained on the 3rd floor checking which assignments that were due the next day. Within less than 5 minutes, the stranger came back. I guess he was so impressed wit my accent that he came back to find out where I was from. His first exposition to a real Haitian goddess, dipped in brown honey and god sugar. He was impressed and he came back to seal our fate. So he came around like everything that goes around. "are you from Africa? you have an African accent." You would want to recall that when I met the strange man he told me he was from Africa so I immediately snapped back: " you're not from Africa, cause if you were you would know that I do not have an African accent. I am from Haiti." I guess that was his cue to culture as he proceed to ask me for my number. " I do not give my number to strangers." he added me to Facebook and at that moment I hope that we would never speak to each other again. But of course as the gods would have it, he would come back around over and over again until he took my soul to the depths of hell itself. Brace yourself cause its about to get real, intense, passionate and sad. I am Jane, welcome to the story of the one man who dragged my soul to hell and back and turned me into a cold stone.

MyNakedTruth!: Jane: Pilot

MyNakedTruth!: Jane: Pilot:    Hi. My name is Jane. I feel like I should say "and I am an alcoholic." Gosh I am so tempted to say that since after I attended alcoholic anonymous in Quebec, Canada. Anyway, why I am going on a rant you may ask? I have no idea. Well, maybe because I am a woman. A black woman who's mouth is bigger than her heart sometimes. I fee like I should start again.
Hi. My name is Jane. My friends call me Sunshine because I am the light that radiate the energy of their soul. I come from a tiny Caribbean Island where the sun shines forever unless mother nature decides to make us weep with its earthquakes, hurricanes, floods and other natural disaster. It is home to about 10.85 million people who bleed red and blue. Yes, the first black independent nation and regardless of what others say, I am proud of my rich heritage. In other words, I am a melanin dripping goddess drenched in gold, honey and coconut oil from the beautiful island of Haiti. I  have called Fort-Lauderdale Florida my home for 11 years, Montreal Canada my home for 2 and now reside in Provo, Utah the land that introduced me to secrets, pleasure and sins..I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers but mostly fly solo. That is probably the most you'll hear about my family but you're welcome to take me to breakfast, lunch or dinner if you personally feel like you need more details :)
 I don't really keep friends because it is so hard to find loyalty in  this generation so I only keep a few people close. I don't have any enemies either because i'm to busy being a lover and not a fighter. When I was in high school, I used to run cross country and track, dance for the multicultural club and just enjoyed life to the most. Well, I was kind of a nerd. I was a big nerd. I was part of the book club and the poetry club which turned me into the hopeless romantic I am today. I was also president of the Future Educators of America( F.E.A)-for some reason I thought I was going to be a teacher- the multicultural club, national honor society, Spanish Honor Society, some bible club and some other clubs I can't remember. By the time I graduated High school, I had manage to be a straight A student, top 10% of my class and 3 year gold medal winner for competing in the Spanish competition for poetry. Yeah I was very bright and earned my self a full ride to college with thousands of dollars in my pocket. I like to reflect on who I was because I am not that person anymore. When I came to Utah, life introduced me to creatures called men who walked into my life, making me feel things I never knew I could, uttering words of empty promises and showing me the world of endless pleasure and sins. Yeah... And that all led to my current situation.
Hi. My name is Jane. I am 22 years old. I am a victim of love. I am currently paralyzed. I suffer from loveasis. It is a rare disease. Matter of fact, I think I am the only one who suffers from this condition. There are no cure. some days, there seem to be hope. Sometimes there seem to be a remedy but as my head rest on my pillow each night and gazed upon the stars, the swift wind gently kiss my ears and whisper every time " you will never heal." Sometimes I even think of getting hospitalized but for someone as broke as me that is not an option. Only one person have the medicine to cure me. Only problem is: he does not know I am sick. I could try to call or text or show up to reach him but fear have paralyzed me. So once again, I have no choice. I have choices but I can not make any choice. No matter what I do, I will not be cured. So, I decided to chose to suffocate with pride. At least that, no one can take away from me. This is my journey. It had a beginning and now seems to have no end. A journey. Not just any ordinary journey but a journey  I am afraid I won't have sufficient oxygen to tell but while I am still breathing, while my heart is still beating-barely- I will start my story.  My name is Jane. And this is my story.

Jane: Pilot

   Hi. My name is Jane. I feel like I should say "and I am an alcoholic." Gosh I am so tempted to say that since after I attended an AA meeting in Quebec, Canada. I am not going to say it cause although it is funny in my head, it might not be funny to others. I will be nice, I will be on a leash. At least this time. So let's try this again shall we?
   Hi. My name is Jane. I am 21 years old ( at least for a few more days) and I suffer from being in love with Keaton Curtis Cullimore, a fine specimen of the opposite sex. It is sad that we do not have the equivalent of AA meeting for those of us who are sickly and deeply in love with someone else who does not love us back. I mean think of all the money that it would generate. I sure wished that there was a place that I could go to meet others who suffer the same condition as me so i can cry, rant, vent and not feel judged or misunderstood.  I feel like someone should invest in one of those programs, you know. Maybe call it LA ( lover anonymous) or LSA ( love syndrome anonymous) or LFA ( love fever anonymous) or even BHA ( broken hearted anonymous). Maybe I should start it. I know a lot of the broken hearted would thank me for it. Maybe it would bring all the broken hearted souls together. Maybe through that same program all the broken hearted would mingle and leave with whole hearts. Broken hearted souls usually understand each other, and who better to end up with than someone else who have been through similar experiences and understand you perfectly? I should start that program. Maybe I should. Maybe I would. Well if anyone is interested in helping me financially, I will gladly accept funds! I mean, I am just a college student, a very broken one. I think I would be the first patient, maybe the most broken patient. Maybe. Just maybe.
   So I am aware, very well aware that I am sick. It's a very different illness but it is common and deserves just as much attention as any other. Sometimes, I feel like i can not control it. Sometimes I feel like I can not function. Sometimes I feel like I am near the end. I mean how is it that I let one human being take so much space in my head, heart, and  soul? How is it that I "willingly" fell for someone that could not even give me the hope that I need? Maybe I am stupid, Maybe I am foolish, But no, maybe I AM JUST IN LOVE. Yes! It must be love... It has to be love. What else would it be? It is such a selfless feeling. It is so pure. So good ( although it does no good to me).  Who is K.C.C? What made me FALL IN LOVE with K.C.C?  When did I FALL IN LOVE with K.C.C?  Where did I meet/ FALL IN LOVE with K.C.C? Why am I IN LOVE with  K.C.C?  and last but not least How do I know I AM IN LOVE with K.C.C? I wish I was an organized person who would actually answer these questions in order but unfortunately I am not. So get ready for me to just pour my heart out while you sip on your tea, all cuddled in your pj's. Although I am in love with Keaton Curtis Cullimore, I will not limit this blog to only talking about him and I. I might sometimes write poems, thoughts, songs, etc... But whatever I do, it will always revolve around my broken heart. Stay tune because the symptoms you are about to experience are about to convince you that a broken heart really is a sickness. Hi. My name is Jane. I am 21 years old, and I am K.C.C addict...https://i.pinimg.com/originals/96/5f/12/965f12b08df6ed311c19ff3d9310479a.jpg