No one ever tel us the exact time we will fall in love. It is part of the walk of life and it happens when it happens. It always does. For some of us it happens younger than others; but when it does, we can not deny it. For me it happened rather early. I remember feeling the pain in my chest as if the child I carried in my bowel was suddenly in danger. In my culture, people always say that because of intuition that a mom always feel what is happening to her child(ren).Sometimes she can even smell danger days away. That exactly hat happened with me and K.C.C. After a while, I started feeling his pains, worries, and danger. I was dreaming of things that would then happen. He became part of me and the map of his life was traced in my palm. For months, I denied that I was actually in love with him. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real, that I was too tough for love, and that such an ordinary man could not own my heart. So for months, I carried that cross because I did not want to be disappointed. I knew that he did not love me the same way that I loved him so I decided to wait for him to be ready. So, I was broke 20 years old in a city that I didn't know and in love with a stranger. Everyday, I knelt down and pray for a miracle: one day K.C.C would one day realize that I love him and would then love me just as much as I loved him. Everyday, I went to bed anxious and woke up the next day disappointed because the day would never come or at least come soon enough. Some days, I would get tired of waiting and prayed instead that I would forget him. Then, he would not be obligated to love me back. Other times, I found myself writing him letter to let him know I felt. Of course these letters never got to him. And maybe  that's how I got through day by day. I convinced myself that he did not love me. I started working full time and going to school full time so that both my life and mind would never find a minute to think of him.  You see, no one told me that falling in love was so hard. I was unprepared and even when it happened I had no tools to fight it. I was in a battle without armor, protection and shield, so of course I fell and so great was the fall.

"I'd go back to December all the time"- Taylor Swift

That's it.!December 5, 2016. How can I forget that day? It was both a blessing and a curse. I can remember the exact hour that he walked into my life and exactly what I was doing. It was a beautiful Monday. Well, I hate Mondays and back then It was my first year in college so I had classes early and hated my job at the school's cafeteria. But, let's just say it was a beautiful Monday because all was well. I remember that I ended work at like 4 ish. For some reason I was going to the library to just work on some homework and be a good student. I was so heart broken because the Love of my life- well, this guy I was in love with for like 4 years, or at least I thought- had dropped off the planet of the earth and left me with so many unanswered questions, doubts and broken wounds that at the time could not be healed. So, there I was at the entrance of the library, sitting on one of those little sits with my laptop. It was not really a place to concentrate or anything, but for some reason I was destined to be there... Our university Library have two sets of doors one must go through before you are actually inside. I was inside and just sitting by the door. I must have been there for a good 20 minutes. The sun was slowly sinking into the bosom of the sea where it find refuge each night and I was sinking into discouragement for the amount of homework that laid ahead. All of the sudden Darryl walked in, look to his right and there I was. Darryl was the president of the Black Student Union club which I regularly attended on Tuesdays. He wasn't a friend nor an enemy, just an over hyped kid who was always so happy for no reason. So it was no surprise that he wanted to say hi. With Darryl was the man who would bring to my life the many tragedies, disappointments, heartbreak, and rejection that I could have never imagined. I remember how beautiful he looked. He had the skin of an African prince, so creamy and soft as if he was being constantly soaked in Shea butter. His big lips were a chocolate fountain one wanted to bathe in and his arms oh my Lord, I could faint just to have these hands catch me. He was so beautiful that I cursed the gods for putting me in his presence. And he talked too. He could talked which was an indicator that he was actually human? Or at least I had hope. Like he actually uttered words at me and even extended his hand to shake mine. Hahaha, I am just kidding. It wasn't like that at all. As a matter of fact I don't even think I looked at him for more tan two seconds. I was so unbothered.

Anyways, Darryl presented me to his friend and in less than a minute, I watched them both take the stairs to go do whatever they had to do. I could care less. I remained on the 3rd floor checking which assignments that were due the next day. Within less than 5 minutes, the stranger came back. I guess he was so impressed wit my accent that he came back to find out where I was from. His first exposition to a real Haitian goddess, dipped in brown honey and god sugar. He was impressed and he came back to seal our fate. So he came around like everything that goes around. "are you from Africa? you have an African accent." You would want to recall that when I met the strange man he told me he was from Africa so I immediately snapped back: " you're not from Africa, cause if you were you would know that I do not have an African accent. I am from Haiti." I guess that was his cue to culture as he proceed to ask me for my number. " I do not give my number to strangers." he added me to Facebook and at that moment I hope that we would never speak to each other again. But of course as the gods would have it, he would come back around over and over again until he took my soul to the depths of hell itself. Brace yourself cause its about to get real, intense, passionate and sad. I am Jane, welcome to the story of the one man who dragged my soul to hell and back and turned me into a cold stone.